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Event Detailson valentines day, 2019, i was in bed with my girlfriend, in a hotel room in seattle,
tripping on mushrooms. i was showing her bits and pieces of the album in
unfinished form. at the time it was going to be called “i
e you meet everything
i guess it still could be. but as i was hearing the songs outside of my own
ego, i began to see a pattern. or more so a person. a boy. a boy who had tried really
hard for a long time to fill a space in his heart. a boy who didn’t know how to be
e, but regardless spent most of his time floating in his own head. a boy who
really, really wanted to experience love
a majestic love, an epic love. and in the
end, a boy who didn’t have anything to prove anymore.
it’s been a challenging couple years fo
r me. i’ve had expectations shattered,
relationships fail. i’ve felt the mortality of my own body. i’ve been hurt and caused
hurt. i’ve spiraled into periods of substance abuse.
but along the way i’ve sidled up
to myself. i’ve been able to look in the mirr
or with more grace and be ok with who i
see there, with all his flaws and imperfections.
some of these songs are very old. someone told me once that songwriters are like
prophets (though he said you should never say t
hat in an interview. sorry john).
re meant to see things that others can’t. sometimes those “others” are ourselves.
there are songs on this record that I wrote years ago, without really grasping their
meaning until now. my therapist says art is the self talking to the self. i guess i was
rying to get a message across, cast out into the sea of songs like a message in a
i imagine this album as a sci
fi movie, where a man travels through the infinite
darkness of space, alone in his ship. he eventually goes mad, is visited
interstellar being of light who bestows on him a revelation. he falls into a dream
state and makes love with an angel and is made whole for a moment. later he wakes
up, alone in his cockpit, with that sort of sad but beautiful certainty that comes
accepting one’s aloneness.
this record is deeply personal. it’s about love, it’s about failure, it’s about drugs, it’s
about sex, it’s about age, it's about regret, it’s about itself (very meta, i know) and it’s
about finding peace. i think it’s the
most i’ve ever put of myself into something. it’s
been cathartic. i’ve cried a lot.
my close friend and producer andy park also poured his soul into this record. we
spent 2 years, mostly in his apartment, carving away at it. sometimes it felt like we
d poured a slab of concrete, with the blind faith that somewhere inside was a
beautiful sculpture. this is just as much his record as it is mine. also shoutout to his
lovely girlfriend tess for letting me invade their space constantly and making them
game of thrones because of last minute mix recalls.
to all the people in these songs, i love you. i’m sorry for the hurt i’ve caused.and to you, the listener, i hope you find a space for this record. i hope it moves you. i
hope above all that it can r
emind you to be kind to yourself, to find patience and
“I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been
only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then
finding a smoother pebble or a pre
ttier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of
truth lay all undiscovered before me